Eight Years Ago

Eight years ago, Stan and I drove to Salt Lake City, he drove his truck, I drove Jim and Millie's van.  We drove through Pocatello ID in the worst snowstorm we had ever seen.  The next day we took the van up to the University of Utah medical center so Jim would have a vehicle.  They had airlifted him and Millie to SLC because Millie was in labor at only 25 weeks.

That evening we got to witness the birth of a tiny 1 pound 12 ounce girl.  What a scary time!  She spent almost 4 months in the NICU, coming home with all kinds of medications and paraphernalia.

Today she is a sturdy, feisty kid-smart as a whip, and loving anything purple and pink.

Happy birthday, Gracie-I am so grateful you stayed with us.

Seder

A quick check-in:  that Seder I wanted to go to?  About 4:30 this afternoon son Jim called and said he had extra tickets to, you guessed it, a Passover Seder!  So the Seder I mentioned in my last post became a reality.  They had it at their church-kind of a local megachurch-but the leader is a Christian Jewish lady from Calgary and full of life.  Very interesting and very meaningful.  It was worth it, even eating the Matzah!

From Saint Patrick's Breastplate

Christ be with me
Christ before me
Christ behind me
Christ in me
Christ beneath me
Christ above me
Christ on my right
Christ on my left
Christ where I lie
Christ where I sit
Christ where I arise
Christ in the heart of every man
who thinks of me
Christ in the mouth of every man
who speaks of me
Christ in every eye that sees me
Christ in every ear that hears me
Salvation is of the Lord.

In the Hospital

I have Stan in the hospital tonight.  The reason he was sick was that he has a bladder infection.  The doctor we saw at Urgent Care was concerned that the infection might be hard to treat in someone his age (?) so she gave him IV antibiotics.  Problem was, he should have been better by suppertime, but he wasn't.  He wasn't better by today.  The doctor had told him to come back today to get another blood workup, and his white cell count was twice as high, as well as his creatinine.  So off to the ER we go.  And after the interminable long wait, he was admitted and is settled in for the night.  They will load him with fluids and antibiotics and watch his kidney function-something they are concerned about.

Prayers are appreciated.

More (big) Shots and Bittersweet Goodbyes

Just waiting for Thursday and the shots-never thought I'd be looking forward to something like that!  God certainly is working on building my patience!

Tonight is my last church council meeting.  I am done being a deacon for at least a year.  We serve three year terms and I can't believe that three years have already gone by!  Tonight we will attend the first half of the meeting-a kind of changing of the guard, so to speak, we will break for treats that the outgoing officers provide, and then we shake hands and leave.  I have mixed feelings about the end of my term.  I loved serving-most of the time I was the only woman on the board, but the relationships we established and the work we did was incredibly rewarding.  I love that I am forever ordained as a deacon.  The two that replace Bill and me will have to be ordained too-I am so excited about watching that.  We lay hands on them and pray for God's blessings.  They will then sign the form of conscription that says that they are now deacons.

The process we use is very Biblical, I think.  Members of the congregation suggest names of people that would be suitable, the council goes through the names and sends letters to the candidates.  The candidates then either agree or turn it down, then the names are published in the bulletin for two weeks.  On the first Sunday of January, the names are sealed in envelopes, and the outgoing officers each select one.  I am thrilled that one of the new deacons is a woman-Kara, the lady that married the missionary.  They are back in the area for a few years to receive training, so we get to reap the bounty of her experience.  It's also a great training ground for her-it surely was for me.  The second one is the one I selected.  As I reached out to pick an envelope, I said a quick prayer for God to direct me.  My hand immediately moved to the envelope on the end-very cool and very profound!  The name I selected was definitely God's doing.  This man has struggled for years with a bi-polar disorder and has made great strides.  I just think it was a way for God to tell us that HE picks His servants, not us.  I see great things happening in our church because we are obedient to God's direction!

Well, I'd better get moving.  I hope the copier repairman calls soon so I can meet him at the church.  Not good when it goes on the fritz!  And I have to assemble my part of the treats for tonight.  We are having a sundae bar and I am bringing homemade caramel sauce and hot fudge sauce.  The hot fudge is so easy, just bring 3/4 cup heavy cream to a boil, take off the heat, dump in 1 1/3 cups chocolate chips, let stand 5 minutes and whisk til smooth.  This is a basic ganache.  When you want to heat it, just put in a bit of cream-maybe 1 tablespoon, and warm in the microwave.  Best hot fudge ever, and no corn syrup!

A Small Change

I know I promised chickens, but I worked a 5-day stretch so haven't had time to finish it up.  Tomorrow maybe.  Anyway, I wanted to share my news.  A couple of weeks ago, our church secretary announced she was quitting to go full-time at her other job.  When I saw the announcement, I decided to give it to God for a week or so to see if I should apply.  A little background-I had that job before this gal did.  I was always sorry I had left.  The job I went to was way too stressful and even though it was a ministry as well, I never felt like I was really making a difference.

I am a deacon in the church and was a bit uncomfortable with the idea of being secretary also, but my three-year term is up in December.  I finally shot off a resume to the Council president, sharing my misgivings about what people would think.  Last night we had a special Council meeting to select a new secretary.  There were three applicants.  I announced that I wouldn't be a part in the selection process and left the room.  As I left, I told them not to worry about my feelings, just do what God wanted them to do.  I went into the office and prayed over the proceedings.  I didn't pray that I would get the job, only that God would put the right name in their hearts, whoever that may be.  Stan, who is also on the Council, told them he also wouldn't be voting-too close for comfort.  We did everything we could to keep it ethical and above board.

Long story short, they voted to hire me.  I am very happy about it, and the pastor has told me to be sure to do what I need to the office.  Actually I had been thinking of some things for a while-a lot of groups use that small office and it could be refitted to accommodate more things, such as when the deacons count their money.  Right now we count it standing up, around a tiny desk.  We could get rid of two desks and put in a small table that would work much better.  It will be fun doing that, and the pastor suggested a paint job would be a good idea, too.  Nice!

I will be staying on at Macy's but on a flex status.  I will log into the database on Sunday mornings and pick up a couple of shifts for the next week that will work around the 12 hours at the church.  Things fell into place so well I can't help but think God is in this.

There is a sad part.  One of the women that was not hired is now causing an uproar on Facebook because she and her family think it's unethical for me to have the job.  Most of her children have said things that Christians shouldn't say.  Makes me really sad-we were friends.  And Stan and I both worked really hard to keep things above reproach.

I'm just giving it to God and hoping that they will see what they are doing.  I know I have the backing of the Council and feel that I am not wrong at all.  I am going to work very hard to not get into any kind of row with them and only be discreet and loving.  Say a little prayer for me that this can be healed.

This Easter

All in all, it was a good weekend.  Yesterday we watched the three little kids hunt for Easter eggs-in the snow of course!

The kids got to sit in the fire truck and ambulance after the hunt, and got to pet a chicken at the petting zoo set up in the park.

Thanks very much to the 4H groups, the Manhattan American Legion, and the Manhattan volunteer fire department.  They have really made this a huge success for many years!  There are bigger hunts in Bozeman-a megachurch holds one on the university campus with 50,000 eggs, but can you imagine the traffic problems?  We could have walked to the one in Manhattan if we wanted to.

It actually turned out to be a fairly warm day.  The sun came out and melted away the snow.  Today was even more beautiful and it got all the way up to 60F.  The first day of the year (except when I was in Mazatlan) that I never put a coat on all day.

Today we had a wonderful church service, then went to our oldest son's house for ham dinner.  It was a relaxing day with the guys gathered in the living room talking, the little kids playing outside, and the daughter-in-law and I chatting in the kitchen.  At one point, Isaac decided to try to get some little rubber darts out of the patio door-they had gotten stuck there yesterday-and all the men jumped up and started hunting up tools and things to fish the darts out with.  Steve finally got them out, but DIL and I decided that the testosterone level in the room went up 20 points when the guys realized there was something to tinker with!

There were a few misty moments thinking of Gram and missing other family members, but God was faithful in keeping us going on a good/tough day.

Rest in Peace, Sweet Gramma

Gramma Liz joined her husband in that beautiful place called Heaven today.  She fought the hard fight and is now basking in Jesus' love.  Can't help but think there was a huge celebration up there this morning.  When Millie told Gracie that Gramma Liz had passed, Gracie excitedly said, "Oh goodie, now she can tell Gramma Pat all about me!"

We'll miss ya, girl, but I know you're no longer frail, blind or depressed.  Have a blast dancing with the angels!  I have an image in my mind, that just like in Henry Van Dyk's poem, just as you left our sight, someone on the other side shouted, "Here she comes!"

Something Else I Hope to Do

As we play, sun and recreate in the beautiful place called Mazatlan, there is always something tugging at my heart.  The poorest of the poor.  Mazatlan has the poor just like any other place, and I have been researching the ministries of the area to see where we could possible give back to this wonderful city.  I found the Vinyard Ministries that operates in the Golden Zone-the tourist area.  Here is a video of some of what they do, and a small taste of the extreme poverty of these people.

Three times a week, the group travels out to the dump to bring food and water to the people digging through the garbage in hopes of finding something worth selling.  They also have several ministries for the children.  I am always finding bargains, and last fall I picked up a couple of bags of school supplies that I thought I would see if they need.  I just e-mailed the church and we will see where that goes.  If you are interested in finding out more about this ministry their website is here. I hope there is more I can do when I get there-a money donation for sure, but more than that, hopefully.

I wish that I could snap my fingers and everybody in the world would be happy, fed, healthy and have a chance to know Jesus, but I think He wants us to be the workers that make that dream come true!

Wine With Ice Cubes

Myrna was a sweet, slightly odd little lady.  She was brought here from California in the late 70's by her retired military husband.  He passed away, and she finished raising their two daughters.  By the time she was widowed, there was no one left in California and she loved it here, so she stayed.

She tended bar, she waited tables, she did whatever it took to supplement her husband's military pension.  Along the way she gained many, many friends.  I first got to know her when she was managing the local American Legion club and I waitressed at a small cafe she frequented.  We immediately clicked and had the best conversations.

Years went by-in 2002 she was diagnosed with colon cancer.  Miraculously, even though the cancer was bad, she went into remission and recovered.  She took up her routine again, by this time she was waitressing at a small restaurant by day, and helping out at a couple of bars at night.  Most evenings you could find her at Sir Scott's Oasis, sitting at the bar, sipping red wine with ice cubes in it, and helping out a bit here and there.  Her youngest daughter waitressed there and I think she was glad her mom was close by so she could keep an eye on her.

She loved to go to funerals.  She knew people from Three Forks to Livingston and thought nothing of driving 50-60 miles to attend the funeral of someone she had known.  She preferred to go by herself-she told me she wanted to be able to come and go as she wanted, not relying on her ride to dictate when and where.  At the restaurant she worked at during the day, she set herself up at the end of the counter with her coffee and newspapers.  She would sit and visit with whoever was seated next to her, periodically getting up to make milkshakes, clear tables, and pour coffee.  The funny part about her job there was that she had quit in 2000 but still showed up every day, helping out the waitresses totally without pay.  She rarely even accepted a tip, only when one of the waitresses would insist on it.  She just needed something to do.  When she felt her job was finished, she would gather up her papers, catalogs, and her fuzzy scarf and slip quietly out of the cafe.  We joked that she was just a little angel, slipping in and out as was needed.  She discovered those rocker-soled shoes, the ones that are supposed to slim your legs, and collected several pairs.  Pretty soon that was all she wore, tottering around town spreading her own quiet brand of warmth.

Around the first of November, she had a disagreement with the cafe owner and quit showing up.  I started losing track of her-sometimes I would see her green Honda parked in front of the local convenience store.  She would buy a coffee and sit at the Subway, visiting with anyone who happened by.  I joined her a few times, but then her trips there became rather infrequent.  Then I really lost track when I went to work again.  I kept looking for that Honda but to no avail. 

On Christmas Eve day, I was in the local grocery store.  I heard my name called and when I turned it was Myrna's younger daughter Michelle.  She told me her mom had had surgery two weeks before and had just gotten home from the hospital.  She said Myrna wanted to talk to me and gave me her phone number.  I went right home and called her.  Neither said the "C" word, neither talked about a prognosis, but in my heart I knew we were going to lose her.  She asked me not to visit quite yet-she got too tired and wanted to regain her strength.

Time rolled by-6 weeks came and went like lightening.  I kept thinking of her and looking for her car, hoping she had recovered enough to get out and about.  The grapevine said she was dying.  I decided that next week I was going to ignore her no-visit request and go see her.

Yesterday morning I opened the paper and there was her obituary.  She had died 5 days before and few of us knew.  Tears blinded me, and I sat there thinking about my loss-our loss.  A town's loss.  The loss of a gentle spirit who never asked for acclaim, never craved the spotlight.  An extremely private person.  She was just Myrna.  Myrna with her wine and her shoes and her fuzzy scarf-laughing at something somebody said.  Listening to all the stories, not judging-just listening.  She was mom to countless young people who didn't have loving parents, but they knew they could count on Myrna to listen.

There's a great big hole here in Manhattan, Montana now.  I know she loved her Jesus and she is with Him now, but doggone it-we weren't finished with her yet.

Get the coffee on, Myrna-I'll take the stool next to yours someday.

A Little Something to Get Us in the Mood

Just had this video posted by a relative on Facebook.  As far as I'm concerned Christmas can't start until I've heard this piece a few times.  I've requested that it be played at my funeral.  (In 30-40 years!)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wp_RHnQ-jgU

Gramma

That is one tough old girl!  She is no longer confused, and her breathing is much better.  We got to take her to church (right across the street) on Sunday, and all of her kids came to see her, bringing coffee and cookies to keep alive the tradition.  My sweet son Steve stopped by the Golden Arches and brought 8 large coffees, complete with sugars and creamers.  Gram was a bit miffed that she couldn't go out to lunch with all of us, but that would have been a bit too much for her at this stage.  She'll get there!

We toured a beautiful assisted living facility on Saturday and my sister-in-law went back on Monday to put a deposit on an apartment.  It'll be a bit before Gram is ready for that, but they are only 50% full right now, since they are brand new, so when she is ready it will be there for her.

In the meantime, Stan, Norma, Irene and I are trying to get her apartment emptied out.  We paid for another month's rent on it, so hopefully that will give us enough time.  Most of her stuff is going in a storage unit until she moves into her new place.  We have, however, been hauling out bag after bag of trash!  She is a frugal hoarder and saves everything, including the tags you cut off your new clothes.  There are collectibles, and even some antiques.  The antiques were probably new when she got them!  It is a fun walk down memory lane, though.  Every now and then one of us will stop what we're doing and show everybody what treasure we've found.  I came home with a stack of dittoed sheets that were at collection of book reports written by Stan's class in the 5th grade.

We're wearing out, but there is more help out there, especially when we get to the big stuff, so we'll just keep plugging along.  We were too busy to visit Gram yesterday-better not miss it today, we'll hear about it from her if we do!

Update on Gramma

Her pain is almost gone-no more muscle spasms. But she is still pretty congested-pneumonia they say. She is really confused-not sure where she really is-wonders why her bed is in the living room, and are we coming to her house for coffee after church. Amazing how her lucidity was so tied in to her routine, and now that routine has been disrupted so she can't think clearly.

I wonder about this-she said her brother Henry came to see her yesterday and even pointed to where he stood. Henry has been gone for 8 years. Did she dream it or are they gathering an escort party? I have a friend who went septic and almost died. She could see people standing around her bed like they were waiting for her. Then her late dad's voice said, "Kid, it isn't your time," and all the people vanished. That was the moment the antibiotic kicked in and her vitals stabilized.

I believe there is a thin wall between this world and the next, and sometimes we are given a tiny glimpse into that next world.

My bloggy friend, Laurie at Crazy Aunt Purl is going through some of the same emotions and experiences with her grandmother who was moved to a nursing home this week. She talks about mourning in advance. I now know what she means. When I lost my own mom, it was quick, and there was really no time for goodbyes. With Gram I feel my mind is working on accepting the new reality, the one without her. I can say "I love you" one more time, I can kiss her once more and squeeze her hand. There is never enough time for goodbyes, but at least I have a fighting chance this time.

When Stan's uncle passed away at the age of 99 1/2, we visited him one last time. I was the last one to leave his room and as I turned to go, he said my name. I came close to him and he whispered, "Thank you." Not for anything specific, I believe, but just a sweet goodbye. As I got into the car I had the overwhelming feeling he would be going home soon. I imagined him saying to my mom, "I saw Marty just before I left. She's doing fine and sends her love."

Lots to think about, lots to work through. I do know that I am privileged to be around someone who will get to see the Glory soon, very soon. I hope her changeover is easy.

Settled

We got Grandma settled into the rehab center. She doesn't have much pain, so that's good. I don't like the sound of her breathing but hopefully they're watching that. Sooner or later she'll be mad at us for putting her there, even though she HAD to go there. It's OK, we know we did the best thing.

I rode in the van with her from the hospital to the center. It was kind of a weird ride. I kept thinking that this was the last ride for her-the end of the line, I guess. We rode by the old hospital where my kids were born as well as some of hers, we rode by the building where she and Pappy used to have a sewing machine store, then we rode by the church we still attend and is right across from the home. And the last kicker was when they took us to her new room-number 232-the very room where Pappy was when they first put him in the rest home.

Really was a weird ride. Hope she is happy there these last months of her life. Okay, Marty, don't cry!

Update on Gramma

We met with the doctor today. He told us she won't be with us much longer, her lung cancer is much bigger and her back is full of fractures from osteoporosis. She is still in much pain. We are meeting with Hospice tomorrow to set up her care, and later this week she will be moved to a nursing home.

Sad to see a tough, strong-willed lady go out this way. Why can't we all be changed in the twinkling of an eye? Oh yeah, that's just when Jesus comes back.

Prayers for Gramma

My mother-in-law Liz fell last night. I got a call from the Lifeline people and met the ambulance at her apartment. I am so happy she had presence of mind enough to press the button, even if she waited two hours because she is so independent she thought she could get rid of the pain herself.

After an all-nighter in ER, it was determined that she has a compression fracture in a vertebrae in her upper back. We were told this is an extremely painful injury, but one that heals well. She is at the hospital tonight and will be there for a bit until the pain is more under control.

Due to memory and dizziness problems we've been looking for just the right assisted living facility. My SIL thinks she's found one. It now becomes way more urgent to get her moved. She'll be in a walker for a while, and will probably have to use a cane for balance from now on-quite a period of adjustment for such a tough lady.

Pray with me that her injury heals quickly and she can return to her normal feisty self!
Old age ain't no place for sissies.
~Bette Davis~

Seven Without You

Mom, this is the seventh Mother's Day I've had to celebrate without you.

My kids were awesome and cooked me a gourmet dinner last night and cleaned my kitchen afterward while I played with the grandkids. Today we got together with Stan's siblings and had a beautiful dinner with his mom.

But there's still a part missing.


Hope you're smiling down from Heaven.

I'm Still Alive....

It's just been so busy around here that I've barely been able to sew or knit, never mind blogging! The kids are moved in (sort of) and are slowwwly putting away their stuff. I'm trying not to stress over all the STUFF, but it's hard-when you get older you like your little orderly life and chaotic surroundings can really discombobulate you. They're just waiting for a couple of paychecks so they can have rent and deposit and then they'll be on their way (I hope). I love them, but I've always loved my empty nest!

I AM grateful to be alive today. DIL and I were headed to town this morning and when we passed the Belgrade interchange, a van came down the ramp and moved over three lanes right into OUR lane and tried to defy the laws of physics and occupy the same space we were currently in. I kept moving left, thinking, "Surely he sees us! Is he really moving all the way over?!" I started braking carefully and moving even closer and closer to the median. Just then my tires hit a patch of gravel left from Monday's snowstorm. My car started spinning! He had sped away, so I didn't hit the van. All I could think was, "Lord, don't let there be anybody behind me!" I kept gently braking and counter steering, and after about the fifth spin around my car straightened out. Then I was furious! I hit the gas and sped up alongside the van, honking as I did. He looked at me like I was crazy. He didn't even notice that he almost ran me off the road! My DIL got the number of the cleaning service on the side of the van and called the dispatcher. After she explained the situation, the dispatcher called the driver, then he called us and apologized. My DIL said, "Fine, but next time use the mirrors for what they were intended!"

We're both fine and are really aware of how bad it could have been. We must be still on this earth for a reason. God really spared us! If it had been icy the chances are good that we would have been seriously injured or killed.

The adrenalin has subsided and I'm exhausted, so here's hoping I sleep without dreaming about spinning cars!

My Heart is Heavy

I am still in shock over the terrible quake in Haiti. Every time I see footage of people still trapped, people injured with no medical care, no food, no water, no place to sleep, I want to cry. The media has informed us that the best way to help is with cash. Be careful who you give cash to, but you can always give money to the Red Cross, and for faith-based organizations you could donate to World Vision or Christian Reformed World Relief Committee, a little-known, but very well run relief organization within our denomination.

Now is not the time for political posturing, or blaming. I have heard the most outlandish statements from well-known people in this country and it APPALLS me that someone could say these things. An evangelist has said horrible things and one of the ultra-conservative talk show mouthpieces has faulted the president for actually wanting to help these people because they are black.

Time for that evangelist to hang up his pulpit and retire, and I wish that talk-show guy would just SHUT UP!

Anyway, I'll step off my soapbox now and go find my credit card so I can get money to CRWRC as quickly as I can. God bless the lovely people of Haiti.

Final Candle

This last candle represents the birth of Christ. Let's always remember why He came to Earth.

" ⁸And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. ⁹An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. ¹⁰But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. ¹¹Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. ¹²This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger."

¹³Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,
¹⁴'Glory to God in the highest,
and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests.'"Luke 2:8-14

"For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life." John 3:16

MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYONE!