I got an e-mail today from a friend that I occasionally have coffee with. She told me she wanted to end our friendship. She said it wasn't "healthy." Meeting her once in a while was a nice break from my daily routine, and was just fun. I guess she wasn't getting what she wanted out of the relationship. She hinted that she couldn't get a word in edgewise when I started talking. I am a bit gabby, but I didn't think I monopolized the whole conversation and is gabbiness a terrible character flaw? I also, recognizing my trait, would stop and make sure she could have her say. I have noticed that she has kind of retreating into herself and that does worry me. Maybe she's depressed and I didn't give her a chance to tell me. She told me once of a business idea she had, and I told her it was a neat idea and she owed it to herself to give it a try. She got angry and said I didn't have faith in her-I should have told her she would definitely succeed.
I'm still a bit stunned. I guess I'm not sure what real friends are. I never required undying bosom buddy friendship, but just a lively idea exchange over a latte.' I live in a relatively small town with small town attitudes, and most of the people here don't share my political views, so it was fun to actually be with someone whose ideals were closer to mine.
This is the second friend I've lost. The first one was someone I've known since childhood but when we started working together, she became hostile and cool and eventually I left. She hasn't spoken to me much since, even though I've made several attempts to reconcile she hasn't responded.
Now this one. I am sad, very sad.
I replied to her e-mail and told her to have a good life.
I am so sorry to hear that. I don't think your friend walking away had anything to do with you. I think it had everything to do with her. Sometimes, people are miserable and if they see someone else's content with their lives it reminds them of how much they need to change their attitude. I'm a gabby person too. It's true that sometimes as gabby people we can monopolize the conversation unintentionally. However, it seems that you tried to give her a chance to share and she chose to close up. Sometimes people are taken away from us and even as hard as it is there's a good reason behind it. It sounds like your town with it's small mind and attitude doesn't deserve you. Keep doing you =)
ReplyDeleteMarty my bloggy friend, please dont loose any sleep over this 'friend' - she certainly doesn't deserve that title. I am really gabby on-line but meet me in person and I shut up like a clam and I welcome people taking over the conversation so I can just join in as and when I want. A true friend is always there wether you spoke to them the previous day or havent spoken for a year. A true friend never says 'why haven't you called' or 'I havent heard from you for ages'. Friendship is a two way street and we all forget to visit all the streets in our life but hopefully they remain open for us.
ReplyDeletePlease wish your Gracie a happy birthday for me and I see our sons almost share a birthday too - my baby (he'll kill me for that title) was 34 yesterday.
Please dont change - you are the true meaning of friendship :o)
xx